Tired of dating websites and apps? Ready to give up on love? Maybe it’s time for a new tact?

By Liz Paul, Psychotherapist & Counsellor

Young Couple Having Problems with Their Smart Phones

Are you exhausted from trying to find the ‘right’ partner on dating websites and apps? You are not alone. This is a very common issue for many of this generation’s single people.

There was a time when courting someone before beginning a sexual relationship signified a genuine interest in each other.

However, now with the proliferation of dating websites and apps, the expectation is, more often than not, sex first. Then, if there’s a connection, a date may be organised.  And a real relationship might eventuate after then.

In other words, in the world of dating apps, having sex no longer signifies a genuine interest in the other person as somebody you may one day choose to commit to.

Many of today’s dating sites and apps have encouraged this behavioural pattern, and although this benefits many of their users, it has made it more complicated and frustrating for those searching for genuine love.

After the first few “hook-ups’, what happens next? You know you are keen, but are not so sure about him/her?

And then you start to wonder “how long before it’s safe for me to broach the subject of whether or not we should turn this into a genuine couple relationship”.

And, and of course, “how long should I wait before it’s cool for me to ask more intimate questions” such as:

“Are you looking for a life partner or are you just playing the field?
Have you ever been married?
Do you have children?
Do you think you would like to have your own family one day?
Would you like to meet my friends and family?
Can I meet yours?”

If that sounds like your experience – and it’s frustrating you because what you are really after is a genuine relationship – perhaps it’s time to change your modus operandi with people you meet on these websites and apps.

Maybe you could:

  • Say no to sex – until you know the two of you have a good emotional connection, and a chance of developing a real relationship
  • Be upfront with the person about your desire for a real relationship
  • Be unafraid to ask the person to reveal their thoughts, feelings and vulnerabilities (so you can get to know them better sooner)… and for you to reveal yourself to them as well.

Many people do fall in love after meeting on dating sites. My clients who’ve done this say it’s because they were brave enough to communicate their true thoughts and goals early on.

Of course, the disadvantage of this approach is that it could lead to more rejection. But those people who reject you are probably not ‘relationship material’ for you anyway.

The advantage of this approach is that it might increase your chances of finding your true love. And never needing to ‘swipe right’ ever again.

 



Liz Paul

Psychotherapist & Counsellor
Sydney Individuals and Couples Counselling
The Lotus Centre

Level 1, 2 - 13 Dale Street,
Brookvale, NSW 2100

Health & Wellness Australia Centre

Suite 2, Ground Floor, 83 Walker Street,
North Sydney NSW 2060

Ph: 0422 306 679

liz@sydneyindividualsandcouplescounselling.com

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